WREN Stories: My shielding story

Veronica Mukunga, a staff nurse at the Trust, talks about the reality of shielding, including how she has handled the feelings of loneliness and dealt with the devastating loss of a friend and colleague.

When the pandemic hit, almost 1.5million people in the UK were asked to shield themselves for at least 12 weeks as they were deemed to be vulnerable.

I am one of those people.

The first thought that came to my mind was, “what on earth am l going to do at home for 12 weeks while in lockdown?  It’s not like l can go out shopping or meet up with friends for a meal or drinks, and most importantly l won’t be able to visit my family for a while.” I had these thoughts and feelings swirling in my head for a couple of days, while at the same time l was trying to find ingenious ways to keep myself occupied, however that was proving to be difficult. I was comfortable and happy with my ‘normal’ routine before the lockdown.  The fulfilment of a rewarding job, and the joys of spending time with my family and friends during my spare time.

I come from an African background with a large family of 6 siblings. Growing up there were always additional family members living with us; such as my grandmother, cousins, the list is endless.  Family is therefore very important to me. Now here l am, stuck in this house on my own with nothing to do besides obsessively tiding and cleaning.

After a while I had to tell myself to stop. I was going through so many different emotions, I felt lonely, scared and guilty.  I felt guilty because l was safe in my home, but my colleagues were going to work in an unknown and dangerous situation. I battled with these emotions for a while and did not want to talk to anyone about this as l did not want to appear selfish. I found myself obsessed with the news, checking it all day and calling my friends and family to inform them on latest updates and advice about Covid.  At the time l felt l was being helpful protecting the people l cared about.

Then my worst nightmare happened, a friend and colleague passed away from Covid.

The heartache I felt was unbearable.  I yearned for a hug.  Being alone at a time like this was foreign to me, Zimbabwean funerals are a community affair where everyone feels the grief of the bereaved and share in it. During funerals we have large gatherings where we sing, dance, pray and have many other activities as a way of comforting and healing each other, especially those who were close to the deceased.

Most of my colleagues were devastated by the news and everyone was seeking support from each other. I felt l needed to be strong for them as they too were grieving and had added anxieties about going to work with the belief that they could be infected with Covid and die from it.

I tried my best to be supportive towards my friends and colleagues.  We called each other on a regular basis and l made myself available to anyone who wanted to talk about how they felt. I was invited to join a WhatsApp groups dedicated to my colleague, where people passed on their condolences and prayed with his family through zoom links.

Through this I felt a sense of purpose and thanks to modern technology I could see that l was not alone. Within the WhatsApp group some of my colleagues posted links to the WREN group chat, and l am now actively involved. I have made connections with staff across our Trust who l had never met before and I really appreciate the support and education that the group provides. It’s good to know that I am not on my own in this situation. We share our experiences and feelings and l get to make a contribution which makes me feel valued.

Today I sat in my kitchen writing a blog for the first time in my life.  It was challenging and writing is not my strongest point, but l thoroughly enjoyed the experience and l did it. I’ve even started gardening as a new hobby with encouragement of WREN group members.

As the Covid pandemic continues what I do know is that I am not alone and together we can be strong for each other.