WREN Stories: My name is John, and I am a Muslim.

Senior CRISS Practitioner John, talks about his experiences converting to the Muslim faith

I was not always a Muslim, I come from the south east of Ireland brought up a staunch Catholic feeling guilty for everything I said and done.

I came to the UK in 1989, a time when being Irish was not ideal. The troubles had not yet finished and the mere hint of an accent could have repercussions.  During this time the freedom I had from not being at home in Ireland meant that I could easily explore different cultures and religions, something I always had a fascination with. Don’t get me wrong I still had insecurities from a cultural perspective, where it was believed and felt that the British were better than us and even more intelligent.  Something I believe has been passed down from generation to generation, although it has to be said, not by everyone.

Along with the animosity I also felt accepted by a lot of people, especially in an environment where various colours and accents lived and worked together. I had a fascination for the “foreigner”, their culture and experiences, their religion and especially their food. Over the years I have tried various religions as mine never sat right with me and I ensured my time spent practicing a particular religion educated me.

Of course my family thought I was going nuts, “oh here we go again which one are you today?” was often said to me. I felt that at times I was a religious schizophrenic. Throughout this time I had a lot of Muslim friends but never had the urge to explore the religion. Probably as throughout my various attempts at other religions, Jesus was always in my thoughts.  To be honest I never saw Jesus as God, I never could comprehend the holy trinity 3 into 1. I felt that like me, he was a social worker, except for me I was a social worker for a specific role, and his was for everyone (lol).

A friend of mine who is a Muslim and married to an Irish woman, so could not be all that bad, gave me a lovely present of a Quran. It had Arabic, English and the transliteration to be able to pronounce the prayers.  It was also inscribed with the words “to a brother from another mother”.

Over the next few years we had our debates and banter.  We spoke about the various parts of both the Bible and the Quran that we felt were a bit dodgy but we had mutual respect. After a few years I actually started to read the Quran, and all the questions I had growing up in Ireland about religion and God appeared to be answered in the Quran. Also Jesus was in there, bonus! At first I thought it was only coincidence, but I got engrossed reading it.  To be totally honest even at times when I could not be bothered to read it, or just fed up, I would pick up the Quran and randomly open to various pages. Upon reading the page it appeared to answer whatever I was going through at the time.

Moving on to the mid 2000’s, a different era and different threats were happening not only in the UK but throughout the rest of the world. I decided to convert to Islam.  My partner was upset at first as she is English and does not believe in religion, she thought I was too influenced by others. My family thought I was being brain washed, but I explained the reasons why and what I felt I was getting out of it.  The change was for me, not for anyone else.

I suppose they felt that I would become what the media had portrayed, religion would take over my life and I would become this man who treats women as objects, but that did not stop me.  Over time they saw a change in me and how I am within myself and they accepted it.

My friends and social network, now that’s a different kettle of fish.

When my friends found out what I’d done the banter began, “Oh here he is, the muzzy is here!” Although they could not understand why I’d done it, they did in their own way accept it. The one thing you must understand is that I lived in a highly Irish populated community in Hertfordshire where everyone knows everyone. I have a lot of close friends and even though we rip each other we still protect each other, but you cannot be a sensitive soul around them in regards to colour, creed or religion as they will call you everything under the sun. But in a loving manner – yeah right.

The one thing about Irish humour is it’s harsh, it does not hold back on its punches and the swearing is very intense, but I suppose with the accent it is very funny. I have been called “Rag Head”, “Muzzy”, “the Sheikh” and various other things but all in good jest.

One time me and a friend were at a darts match. As the night went on and people were getting more intoxicated, talk turned to foreigners taking over the country and taking jobs. Obviously as Irish we stood up for ourselves and one guy said, “Not your kind, it’s the Pakis and the Blacks and bloody Muslims.” At that point my friends said “you do realise he is a Muslim?” This guy looked at me and said “An Irish Paki Muslim? Are you a paedophile?” With that I stood up, but one of my friends grabbed him and took him outside.  When my friend returned I told him that he did not have to do that, he looked at me and said “we’re allowed to call you names, but that **** is not, anyway if I hit him I would only hurt him, but if you hit him you would kill him”.  He only said this as I am a triple black belt and he is one of my students.

To be honest since I converted to Islam, I have found a lot of people are more interested in why I converted rather than try to belittle my choice. What I do find funny is at times I have often been in situations where others did not know what I was, and as there were no other people of colour there they have often expressed their actual opinion on Muslims. Once it’s pointed out to them their demeanour changes to “well not all of them are like that”.

I don’t get angry with people’s opinions, god knows I have enough of my own however I do see it as an opportunity to educate people on the reasons why I choose to be a Muslim. I tell everyone I am in no way the best example of a Muslim, I have more faults than most people, it’s the individual message I get from Allah and his teachings rather than following the teaching of anyone else.  If and when I am to be judged it will be by Allah and Allah alone can judge me, I will whole heartedly take whatever rewards or punishments are given.

I probably get more institutional racist remarks for being Irish than Muslim and I believe people think this is more acceptable because I’m white.

Thank you and good bye, my name is John and I am Muslim but I am also Irish.