WREN Stories: A father’s conversation: reflections on racism and hope

Robin Ellis, our Black Male Outreach Worker reflects on his own experiences of racism and how he has hope for the future and hope for change.

My 9 year old daughter asked me if there will always be racism, in light of the George Floyd incident and consequent local and international protests around the Black Lives Matter movement. That question had me thinking about a conversation I had with my mother some 40 years ago, and my own experiences of racism.

My Mother came to the UK in 1961 and would I guess be classed as one of the Windrush generation. Recalling some of her own experiences she spoke about discrimination in the workplace, such as being offered jobs over the phone but once she was seen in person the job would miraculously disappear. My Mum was educated in the West Indies but was offered menial jobs once in the UK while living in poor housing conditions, and yes she did see those signs saying No Blacks allowed.

Reflecting on my own experiences of racism can be a sobering process. I remember many incidents of overt and subtle forms of racism I have experienced. Growing up in Hackney in London, I had a best friend who was white in primary school. I can still remember his name. He supported Arsenal like me and we got on really well.  Looking back now I never saw race, you tend not to at that age. We would hang out after school and weekends and he would come to my house where he would be welcomed by my Mother and siblings.

For some reason I could never go to his place. On the one and only occasion he did invite me to his house, I remember playing in his room when he suddenly told me I had to hide under his bed because his Mum and Dad were coming home and they would be angry to see a black person in their house. I can’t remember my thoughts or feelings then, but I do remember hiding under that bed as quiet as a mouse until they went out again. By the time we reached secondary school our friendship was over, he with his white friends me with my black friends.  The lines had been drawn.

I also remember asking a girl out in primary school, I know I should’ve been concentrating on my books!  To my delight she said yes, but by the next morning she told me she couldn’t see me as her Father warned her of seeing black boys.

These were just two of my early experiences of racism and not fully understanding why I was perceived so negatively.

In the early 1980s my brother and I went to Scarborough for a family holiday and I remember us both having to run away from a group of white boys shouting racial abuse at us.  They sure didn’t want to sell us any rock. Other incidents growing up included hearing car doors lock when I would walk past them on my way to University.

I tried not to take it personally, saying to myself that race maybe had nothing to do with it and that it might happen with any other boy. These are the internal discussions you have with yourself. Ultimately though these experiences leave you a little scarred.  Finally one of my worst gripes would be getting asked if I had drugs to sell when at a night club. I also experienced this waiting in line at a night club in Amsterdam, so I guess this phenomenon is international.

There is a term called “weathering” which was coined by Arline Geronimus in 1970 and is used to describe the accumulative effects of racism and inequalities over time. I think these experiences have definitely had an influence on who I am today.

For balance, I must say that there have been some very kind spirited and wonderful white people who have both influenced and inspired me throughout my life. I know this is more than simply black or white, pardon the pun, it’s about people and how you are treated.

So when answering my daughter’s question I told her I was hopeful that times would change. I pointed to the young white protesters and told her they give me hope. I told her about the many conversations on race happening up and down the country, if not the world, including my own organisation wanting to discuss issues on race.  This gives me hope.

I told her I felt that a climate of change and momentum was in the air, which needs to continue. But most of all I told her my biggest hope was that her generation will continue the call for fairness, equality and opportunity for all, and possibly live in a world were racism is pushed to the margins of society. One can only hope.

Past behaviour doesn’t have to be a predictor of future behaviour.