WREN Stories: The cultural impact of the pandemic and why it's important to talk

Balvinder Kaur, Clinical Engagement, Access and Inclusion Co-ordinator talks about how important it is to talk and look after each other and give one another hope.

These unprecedented times as everyone keeps calling them, has created many uncertainties and feelings over these last few months. On reflection, not only have I been dealing with my own emotions, which have been a rollercoaster of journey, but being a British Sikh woman I’ve also had to deal with the cultural issues that have been very much hand in hand with everything that is going on at the moment.

Being a carer for my mum who is in the vulnerable category is a constant worry, especially when I’m very aware that the BAME community is being hit hard by the virus. Listening to BAME colleagues express fear, anxiety, being scared to speak up, and feeling unsupported is scary.

Having to explain the government briefings to my mum in Punjabi is also difficult, as I don’t want her to panic.  So I only tell her what I feel is suitable to avoid raising her anxiety levels. This doesn’t help when the aunties keep ringing her with their own ideologies and perceptions of the virus, which seem to be different versions of how the virus is in the air, advising her not to leave the house, or telling me to wear full PPE when going to the local supermarket.

For the first time in 40 years I’ve celebrated Vaisakhi behind closed doors under lockdown. This is supposed to be a very spiritual, joyous time for the Sikh Community, celebrating the birth of Khalsa (Sikh New Year) which would involve thousands of Sikhs going to the Gurdwara (Sikh temple), meeting friends and family, listening to special prayers and hymns, doing a colourful parade to all the local Gurdwara’s in Bradford.  Instead the community was saddened, having to be enclosed behind 4 walls and not being able to have contact with loved ones at this very special time.

This had been even more difficult as my dad had been stuck in India after going on holiday there. As a family, the emotional impact this had on our mental health and well-being was immense. The constant fear and worry of him being alone out there and the virus spreading around the world caused panic and unease. We all kept our feelings hidden from one another as talking is not something we do well as a family, or as a community because we are too busy trying to protect one another from being hurt.

Culturally this is an issue that needs addressing within the Sikh community.  From childhood we are taught to suppress our feelings and we are encouraged to not be inquisitive, as this can be seen as being disrespectful to our elders. This needs to change, and the only way forward is to educate and raise awareness within our communities about the importance of looking after our mental health and well-being.

Only on my dad’s return did I hear of how anxiety provoking he felt his situation was for him and the emotional impact this had on his health and well-being. It’s sad to think that we find talking incredibly difficult at times, and made me realise we need to work on this together as it can ease the pain.

Four days before the UK went on lockdown I started a new job. Despite the initial excitement of finally having my dream job, I find myself having to deal with mixed emotions of happiness but uncertainty.  Waves of anxiety, irrational thinking, constantly questioning if I’m good enough, or wanting to help my colleagues but not knowing how. The norm is no longer the norm but I’ve adjusted to new ways of working, along with learning positive coping mechanisms to help look after myself which is helping to keep me positive.

As a Sikh, our Guru Ji has taught us that we come into this world alone and one day we will leave on our own. This couldn’t be more poignant as we hear of loved ones dying and we are unable to touch them, follow cultural rituals, mourn as a family, and as a community.  All of which will leave a lasting impact on our lives forever.

I’ve learnt that hard times can also strengthen communities, and my local Sikh community has raised £40,000 to support the NHS to purchase essential ultrasound equipment to use during this pandemic for Covid-19 patients and help save lives. This shows we can get through difficult times when we look after each other and give one another hope. Things will get better in time we just need to keep the faith.