Being a Black African, Christian and lesbian woman
A blog for International Women's Day by Martha Betera, Clinical Team Leader, Forensic Services
Some time ago, I made a promise to myself that I was going to live my life for me. I’m a Black African, Christian, lesbian woman, and this International Women’s Day, I’m sharing my story.
The theme this year is ‘Balance for Better’ and I do believe that we all have a part to play in striving for a gender-balanced world. But, for me, it’s about more than that. It’s also about intersectionality, which doesn’t just mean gender, but also covers the LGBT+ and BAME (black, Asian and minority ethnic) communities.
I grew up in a small town in the capital of Zimbabwe. I was born and bred in Harare and went to school there until I was 16-years-old.
When I was young, people used to confuse me for a boy. I would choose to wear ‘boyish’ clothes and I hated Sundays (church days) and family gatherings, because I’d have to wear a dress. That’s what girls wear, I was told.
By the age of 12 or 13 I started to like girls a lot and not in the way a girl ‘should’ like another girl, I used to think. I dated a few in my teens but it was nothing serious. A day before my 18th birthday, I arrived in England, and not long after, I came out as a lesbian.
I didn’t expect what came next.
In Africa, we don’t have lesbians, it’s considered ‘unAfrican’. I was told I had a demon in me and people began to distance themselves. At gatherings, I would receive threats of rape from strangers who thought they could turn me straight. However through all the fist fights and tears, I could rely on some supportive family members and lots of supportive friends. It was then that I learnt to live with other people’s views and made the promise to myself that I was going to live my life for me.
Fast forward to five or six years ago and I began my nursing course. My first clinical placement was in a community setting and the dress code was ‘smart casual’ (always a hard one to pull off!) I remember asking my mentor if I needed to dress more like a ‘woman’ so I didn’t upset the patients. She found this funny and reassured me that I should be myself and if there was any problem, told me to come and talk to her.
Now it’s my turn to be the mentor and I try to be a good role model. Two-and-a-half-years after qualifying and taking up my first staff nurse post, I’ve recently been seconded into a clinical team leader position with the Trust’s Forensic Services. I now have the opportunity to empower junior staff and students to express their views – and I think they should go for it!
I still get the odd sly comment behind my back, with some people questioning my openness and others saying my decisions aren’t natural.
But I’ve had compliments too. I’ve been described as brave for coming out, living my life and not being scared to stand up for myself.
I will continue to use this outlook to help others. I want to support patients or staff, in the LGBT+, BAME or other communities, whatever their cultures and beliefs, to access services and secure opportunities. No-one should be left behind in getting help – either in this Trust, or beyond.
Am I brave? Maybe, but being me is all I’ve ever known.
I am a Black African, Christian, lesbian woman and I’m out and proud.
Martha Betera